Several years ago, while Dave was in Iraq, I was Elastagirl for Halloween. Oh, to be like Elastagirl for real! Do you ever have those days where you feel like no matter what you do accomplish, no matter how hard you try, there just is NOT enough of you to go around and there is still so much left undone??? I've had a few of those lately!
Sometimes I look around at others and think, "Gee, so-and-so has got it ALL together. I wish I could be more like so-and-so!" You know what I'm talking about- the person that has an immaculately clean house with a gorgeous well kept yard, a darling and talented brood of perfectly behaved children, money out their ears, and tons of time to serve others. I'm soooo not that girl and sometimes looking at the parts of other people's lives that are readily available to SEE, it can become easy to get down on ourselves and all that we aren't instead of focusing on all that we are and all that we are doing RIGHT!
TOTAL CHANGE OF SUBJECT- (but not, all at the same time, because this has EVERYTHING to do with what I am talking about!) I have an amazing friend that passed away last month. She took her own life. I spoke to her on the phone a few weeks before she died. One of the things that she shared with me was that she had recently started running. RUNNING? Really? Well I was impressed and I still am! In fact, I am inspired.
One of the other things this wonderful friend did often was blog. She had an amazing way with words and they ALWAYS inspired me. She talked a lot about things that were important to her, ways that she is involved in the community, her hopes, her fears, and her children. Something I found out about this friend over the years that I knew her was that she had a very difficult time being honest. You never knew if some of the things that she said were truth or fiction, and, I believe, SHE didn't even know half of the time because she lied SOOO much that she believed her own lies. Yet even that inspired me. Still does. Maybe the reason for her lies was because no matter what she did, she felt she wasn't enough.
And so these days I find myself doing something I never thought that I would do. I have ALWAYS said that you don't have to run to get to heaven. THAT is the TRUTH! Yet I look at my friend who was FAR from being a person you would imagine being a runner and I see the impact that it made in her life, even though it certainly didn't change whether she was happy and still does not change the fact that SOME parts of life were soooooo unbearable that she couldn't face them, not for even one more day, and I say to myself, "If she could do it, I can too."
Now I know what some of you are asking yourselves. How do I know if she was telling the truth? I don't, for sure, but it doesn't matter! She still inspires me! So in honor of Lisa, I've been hitting the treadmill 3 days a week and even though I am a pathetic anemic weakling child, I am running. I am up to a mile without feeling like I am going to DIE- but I'm going to do a 5K sometime soon because I am determined! I'm going to keep running!
Last year I wrote a post that sort of summed up what my life is like. You can find it here! And while my life has changed a little, it's pretty much just as crazy, as I imagine most of your lives are. Days like THAT are EVERY DAY around here. But I do it day in and day out because #1 I thrive on chaos and #2 I don't have a choice and #3 being here with the craZiness is what allows me to be with all of my favorite favorites- my kiddos!
So while there are days that I feel like I get nothing accomplished and when I wonder where my super suit is, it is ALL worth doing! I MIGHT lose my mind somewhere along the way, but perhaps it wasn't worth keeping, anyhow! And I'm going to remember that
While we may not have it all together, together we have it all!